On Self-Confidence and Shit

Dati lagi akong nagiingat manlait ng tao, kasi naniniwala ako sa kasabihan na kung “ayaw mong gawin sayo, wag mong gawin sa ibang tao”. Pero syempre, ‘pag dating dun sa mga kaclose ko na tao, iba yung pagkakupal ko. 😀 For me, it was all jokes and stuff. Kumbaga hindi seryoso. Pag maitim ka, may joke ako sayo. Pag maliit ka (kahit maliit din ako), may joke ako para sayo. Pero ginagawa ko lang ito sa mga taong ka-close ko kasi, feeling ko naman hindi sila magagalit. Alam na nila na ganoon kami magusap.

Pero the way media will bombard you with what’s beautiful and what’s not, medyo maniniwala karin sa mga jokes. I think I realized na nakakasakit din siya kahit joke, nung unang beses akong nasaktan. Especially when it comes from family. Parang ‘pag nanay mo lang nanlait sayo, mas masakit diba? 😀 The moment I seriously reflected on these jokes targeting flaws ay yung nakita ko ang status ng kapatid ko dati. Nilabas nya sa status nya yung mga panlalait at pang “jojoke” sakanya ng mga tao. Either tinatawag syang mataba, or hindi maganda. Tinamaan ako. Kasi isa sa mga phrases na sinulat nya ay galing saakin. Parang may gusto ata syang salihan at sinabi ko “Di ka pwede dun, pang magaganda lang yun”. When I said it, I didn’t think too much about it. It was all a joke to me. But then I realized, coming from a sister, someone who claims na mahal nya ang kapatid nya, I took a jab at my sister’s confidence.

That’s when I realized insults and compliments mean more when it come from the people you love or people who matters to you. That’s when I stopped. Minsan nga lang talaga, ‘di mo maiwasang makipagjoke. Lalo na sa mga kaibigan. Pero just like what I said, sa tuwing may maririnig kang joke about the way you look and you’re being surrounded by photos and videos of seemingly perfect people, unti-unti kang bibigay at maniniwala na siguro nga, in a conventional way, hindi ka maganda. You’re not good enough.

And I know dapat ang self-worth hindi nanggagaling sa ibang tao. Pero iba parin kasi pag ang jab ay nanggaling sa mga taong mahal mo. Parang mas nakakapaniwala, diba? Maybe I’m just being too sensitive pero ito ang realizations ko.

Sometimes people put you down so much, you eventually start to believe them.

Advertisements

Any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s